Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Makin' Bacon

Well, I voted today. Of course here in New York the Republican party has completely collapsed, making the elections somewhat of a foregone conclusion. So what to do? Vote for the Communist Party, of course. Why? It's what Jesus would do:

All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had. With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and much grace was upon them all. There were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned lands or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles' feet, and it was distributed to anyone as he had need. Joseph, a Levite from Cyprus, whom the apostles called Barnabas (which means Son of Encouragement), sold a field he owned and brought the money and put it at the apostles' feet.

-Acts 4:32-36

Of course, the apostles could get real old school on this:

Now a man named Ananias, together with his wife Sapphira, also sold a piece of property.
With his wife's full knowledge he kept back part of the money for himself, but brought the rest and put it at the apostles' feet.

Then Peter said, "Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? Didn't it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn't the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied to men but to God."

When Ananias heard this, he fell down and died. And great fear seized all who heard what had happened. Then the young men came forward, wrapped up his body, and carried him out and buried him.

About three hours later his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. Peter asked her, "Tell me, is this the price you and Ananias got for the land?"

"Yes," she said, "that is the price."

Peter said to her, "How could you agree to test the Spirit of the Lord? Look! The feet of the men who buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out also." At that moment she fell down at his feet and died. Then the young men came in and, finding her dead, carried her out and buried her beside her husband. Great fear seized the whole church and all who heard about these events.

-Acts 5:1-11

Pretty harsh stuff. And perhaps a bible passage that the friendly folk at Pastor Ted's New Life Church in Colorado Springs should read as they ponder a replacement for him now that he's on that downbound train. Here are the salaries for various ministers at that church:

Ted Haggard (old pre-meth salary): $617,795.00
Rob Brendle (Associate Pastor): $629,447.00
John Bolin (Teaching Pastor): $386,000.00
Lance Coles (Church Administrator): $483,777.00
Ross Parsley (Worship Pastor): $443,898.00
Matthew Falentine (Associate Worship Pastor): $351,303.00
Glen Packiam (Associate Worship Pastor): $335,136.00
Ted Whaley (Small Group Ministry Director): $519,431.00
Bill Walton (5th and 6th Grade Pastor): $381,395.00

Obviously only a partial list. But clearly Jesus pays quite well. One would think that the local meth dealers and whores would up their rates somewhat.