Heroin

"Heroin, be the death of me
Heroin, it's my wife and it's my life
Because a mainer to my vein
Leads to a center in my head
And then I'm better off and dead
Because when the smack begins to flow
I really don't care anymore
About all the jim-jims in this town
And all the politicians makin crazy sounds
And everybody puttin everybody else down
And all the dead bodies piled up in mounds"

-Velvet Underground 'Heroin'

For your latest fix, try Dicewars, a Flash game based on Risk. Don't say I didn't warn you...

All You Humans are Vermin in the Eyes of God

So despite the hype, Satan's actually pretty lame. At least according to where it really counts, total death statistics. Writer and blogger Steve Wells has tallied up the total killings in the Bible, God v. Satan. The final total? 32,900,000 to 10.

It's Old Testament of course. In the New Testament, its 3 to 0. All three are killed in the book of Acts. Two are Ananias and Sapphira, whom I wrote about earlier here. The third is Herod, eaten by worms. Still Mr. Wells makes an attempt at 'future killings.' At 3.3 billion it's not a pretty finale.

Defending Marriage

In July of 2006, The Supreme Court of the State of Washington ruled in Andersen V. King County that "Limiting marriage to opposite-sex couples furthers procreation, essential to the survival of the human race, and furthers the well-being of children by encouraging families where children are reared in homes headed by the children’s biological parents." This has been a common approach to courts that limit marriage to only heterosexuals – marriage is for breeders, dammit.

Not to be stopped, various activist organizations in the state of Washington set up the Washington Defense of Marriage Alliance, with the specific intent of forcing the state legislature to eat the court’s words. A ballot initiative was written up and today the Secretary of State accepted what is now Initiative 957, which forces the state to recognize marriages only if the couple to be married can have kids. In addition, a married couple will have only three years to file ‘proof of procreation’ or have their marriage annulled. This will apply to out of state marriages as well. Also, divorce would be forbidden for any couple who has children, and any unmarried couple who has a child will be automatically married.

Of course for the initiative to get on the ballot, 224,800 signatures are needed by July 6, which is a pretty steep challenge. But it’s an inspiring piece of political protest, essentially forcing the state to live with the results of its bigoted and narrow minded approach to marriage. Some may consider it extreme, but as the organization says on their website,

“Absurd? Very. But there is a rational basis for this absurdity. By floating the initiatives, we hope to prompt discussion about the many misguided assumptions which make up the Andersen ruling. By getting the initiatives passed, we hope the Supreme Court will strike them down as unconstitutional and thus weaken Andersen itself. And at the very least, it should be good fun to see the social conservatives who have long screamed that marriage exists for the sole purpose of procreation be forced to choke on their own rhetoric.”

Knowing Jack

Jack is back, with 22 weeks of non-stop craziness. This time it's Islamic terrorists with five suitcase nukes, though the way the series works by the end of the season it will be Sri Lankan separatists with an anti-matter device. I have to say that I love the show, and thankfully it has gotten rid of the non-stop escalation of dangers that marked its first few seasons with each season poising an ever greater threat to the country. For a while there it was looking like Season 4 would begin with terrorists threatening to hurl the Earth into the sun, but they have instead wisely moved laterally with the intimidations.

I’m not the only one that enjoys the show. Plenty of people from the political right love it as well, as shown by the concern that the administration was writing the episodes this season, what with the nuke going off in the planned community of Valencia, California (home of Magic Mountain and the California Institute of the Arts). The main gist is the crazy amount of torture that goes on in the series, and the apparent justifications for it.

I find that odd, considering how the show actually portrays it. The argument is that 24 showcases the ‘ticking time bomb’ theory of relaxing restrictions on torture. But on the show, the restrictions aren’t relaxed; Jack just tortures anyway, when he ‘knows he’s right’; but the key point is that Jack is also willing to take responsibility for his actions. In seasons past he has allowed himself to be killed and revived, resigned his post, and exiled to prison in China; all as payback for his breaking the rules. He is perfectly willing to trade his job, freedom or even his life in exchange for what he feels to be a greater good – that of preventing the deaths of thousands or millions.

Jack has character, which the people in the administration and their supporters clearly lack. They want to be able to solve the ticking time bomb problem with no consequences, and that is their ultimate argument. Aside from the well documented problems with torture delivering information of dubious quality, the punishments given by laws against torture provide a powerful check on those who would do it. Do I really ‘know I’m right?’ And if you are, it’s simple moral calculus to trade some jail time for yourself to save the lives of millions of others. Of course if you’re wrong…

There was a somewhat simplistic ‘mind game’ proposed in a Law an Order episode a while back. The idea was that if Bin Laden were standing next to you in New York with a suicide nuclear bomb strapped to his chest and you had a gun, would you be a vigilante and shoot him, or would you call the police. They just posed the question, and never answered it; but calling the police is the only legal response, and for good reason. Vigilantism results in society breaking down with countless bad results. But in the Bin Laden scenario, the correct response is to shoot the guy, and turn yourself in. Going to jail for several years is an easy trade for the lives of thousands of others. But you turn yourself in, because we live in a country that is governed by the rule of law.

Loathsome

For a crass read, Buffalo's free weekly, The Beast, has just published its annual list of America's 50 most Loathsome people, complete with charges, evidence, and the required punishment. One of my personal favorites from this year is the punishment reserved for Ken Lay:

Sentence: Drinking a martini in his bathrobe and reading the Wall Street Journal at his secret compound in the South Pacific, the "late" Mr. Lay starts choking on an olive when the 400th major daily article to describe his life as "Shakespearean" makes him laugh out loud. Lay falls out of his chair, impaling an eyeball with the stem of his glass and catching his penis in a $900 toaster. The electrical current triggers the long-dormant prefrontal cortex of his now-smoldering brain, suddenly activating Lay's conscience. As he is slowly and painfully electrocuted over several minutes, Lay experiences a lifetime of guilt and remorse. Then he catches fire.

The 2005 list is available here.

Happy '007

And after much traveling and much working we are back on the air. Happy 2007. After my brother has been shaming me with his prolific posting (though cutting and pasting emails, however interesting and thought provoking, does strike me as a bit of a cheat), I vow to try to keep up my end of the deal.

So what does 2007 have in store? Several people have been weighing in over the past month, and though it may seem like moldy news now, it shouldn't be forgotten. First of all the right Reverend Pat Robertson announced that God told him that a 'mass killing' will hit the U.S. this year. Not to worry right now - it will apparently happen in the later part of the year. Plenty of time to prepare. When asked about it he said:

"I have a relatively good track record," he said. "Sometimes I miss."

What is odd about that statement of course is that he earlier said that he is not predicting it, but instead reporting what God told him. So the question remains about whether when God speaks he has difficulty understanding, or Mr. Robinson is using some variant of the 'royal we'; sort of a 'theological I'. That would indicate that Mr. Robinson considers himself God, not a very palatable prospect.

So should we worry? Well many don't think so, for an AP/Ipsos poll released the same day as God's announcement indicated that 25% of Americans believe that Jesus is returning this year. No word on how that relates to any previous polling done, which I would find interesting. Now granted that is 6 points higher than the number of people who think that scientists will discover extraterrestrial life this year (and only a few more points higher than the percentage of Americans who are drunk before breakfast), but still: One out of every four people that you run into in a grocery store think that Jesus is returning, not soon, but this year. Some more breakdown on the poll:

Forty-six percent of white evangelical Christians believe it's at least somewhat likely that Jesus Christ will return in 2007, while 22 percent believe it's very likely. Thirty-four percent of all Protestants say it's at least somewhat likely, compared with 17 percent of Catholics. Ten percent of those with no religion believe that Christ is at least somewhat likely to return in 2007.

So 1 out of 10 atheists and agnostics believe that it is 'somewhat likely' that Jesus is returning this year. A pretty impressive feat for the Son of God to get millions of people who don't believe that he exists to believe that nonetheless he is dropping by pretty soon.

Oversight

Brad Parsley, Choir Director at the New Life Church, son of Ross Parsley, the 'Worship Pastor' who made $443,000 last year.

Pastor Ted Haggard's New Life church is in the news again, and apparently there are now worrying signs of further soy contamination in Colorado Springs. This afternoon, the church posted a request on their website to aid the 'Restoration Committee' with the good reverend's 'restoration':

...To assist in both the process of Rev. Haggard's restoration and the protection of the Church itself, the Overseers are open to receiving current information relevant to either Rev. Haggard's recovery process or any concerns about New Life Church staff or its leaders. While they cannot promise confidentiality, the Overseers will handle any such information discretely...

So if anyone out there has done anything...inappropriate... with any of the good pastors at the church, they request that you drop them a perhaps confidential line. There's a helpful link at the end, too. Don't be shy, now's your chance.

The not-too-reverend Dan Savage, who runs a popular sex advice column picked up on this and is offering a more flavorful (and less workplace-friendly) approach. One interesting note that popped up in his comments section is the nature of the rather Orwellian sounding 'overseers' that seem now to be running things at the New Life Church:

...They use "overseer" because it is an English translation of episkopos, the Greek word from which the English word bishop is derived...

Which is also the root of Episcopal, so it would be appropriate for the Virginian Churches who succeeded from the Episcopal church to refer to their Anglican Archbishop Peter Akinola of Nigeria (the one who favors the jailing of homosexuals) as their new 'overseer.' As in "We welcome our new Homophobic Overseers."

Merry Corporate Christmas

I'm wondering who has the copyright on the Baby Jesus. From the BBC:

When James Worley paid a visit to Disney World in Florida his portly frame and white beard soon had kids asking: "Are you Santa Claus?" Not wanting to disappoint, Mr Worley, 60, played along with some "ho-ho-hos".But Disney officials descended, telling him to stop the impersonation or get out of the park. They said they wanted to preserve the magic of Santa...He said Disney had told him "Santa was considered a Disney character".

The BBC has other fun Santa tidbits in the news:

A Christmas beer brewed in Oxfordshire has been banned in parts of the United States because it has a picture of Father Christmas on the label...

Santa Claus has had to employ bodyguards after being attacked on his sleigh in the Black Country...

and my personal favorite:

More than 200 offenders in Oxfordshire will be sent a Christmas card featuring a drunken Father Christmas urinating in the snow.

If you're at all wondering what it is that I've been doing that keeps me from posting for long stretches - here it is. This is one of 4 movies that we made to market a new condo development in Brooklyn. Enjoy.

Mystery Solved

I took some time off last week to have some fun for my birthday. Festivities included seeing a couple of movies, including the new James Bond which is pretty dope, and is, as they say, the best Bond since the heyday of Sean Connery.

When I came back to work on Monday, a surprise was waiting for me. An eight-pack of double corona cigars and a funky cigar lighter (which looks like it was used in a Bond film), shipped from Martinez Cigars. The problem was a lack of card, note or any identifying mark indicating who sent it. What a conundrum - whom to thank? Suspects abounded but one by one they were eliminated from suspicion. Finally a call to Martinez, and some fleet research of their internet records yielded the culprit: my own brother, Mike, was the guilty party.

So many thanks, Mike. I'll be sure to bring a couple with me to Tucson when we go there next week.

R.I.P. Peter Boyle

Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose. Banana Cream Pie is guaranteed in Heaven.

The Devil's Weed

Well my question of what's in that Rocky Mountain Spring water that I asked earlier today was answered by the intrepid reporters at the right-wing WorldNetDaily just a few hours later:

There's a slow poison out there that's severely damaging our children and threatening to tear apart our culture. The ironic part is, it's a "health food," one of our most popular.

Now, I'm a health-food guy, a fanatic who seldom allows anything into his kitchen unless it's organic. I state my bias here just so you'll know I'm not anti-health food.

The dangerous food I'm speaking of is soy. Soybean products are feminizing, and they're all over the place. You can hardly escape them anymore...

...Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That's why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today's rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because "I can't remember a time when I wasn't homosexual." No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can't remember a time when excess estrogen wasn't influencing them.

The author, Jim Rutz, goes on to explain about the shocking findings of all of these studies that were done. Oddly, a Google search reveals no such studies. In fact the top results for 'health effects of soy' yield two government sites aggregating the results of all recent studies, which essentially demonstrate moderate benefits to moderate soy product consumption. There are mentions of the suspected effects of the amounts of estrogen in soy, but all studies are either completely inconclusive on those, if they aren't completely debunked.

Of course one shouldn't expect rigorous scientific method from Mr. Rutz. After all, after being an Amway distributor for 12 years (see the 'about' section on his site), he is the founder of the 'open' church Megashift, whose website is one of the most wonderously cult-like I've ever run across (and I run across a lot of these sites in my recent quest to more further understand Christianity in our culture.) The introductory video shows a female victim of plastic surgery dressed in pilgrim garb talking about how miracles are sweeping the globe, including the 'raising of the dead in over 52 countries.' They document five of them here.

But who to blame for this plague of the vile weed? Well, us of course. The U.S. is the world's largest producer of soybeans, and this map of American soybean production highlights ground zero of the infestation:















Note the dot of high production around Washington, DC. But most of it is in the states of Iowa, Illinois and Indiana. Expect to see a further rash of church 'outings' in the Upper Midwest over the coming months.